Kat Lyons

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self-examination

once a month I look
for changes         chunks in the jellybag
lumps in the roux

I knead my flesh  
drag my thoughts up keep my eyes
fixed      the yellowed plant above the bath
throws out optimistic runners tiny fists of roots

she checked herself
she wore rose pink she loved 
her garden         they painted her in   
desert colours blood and iodine

I lift and squeeze    
before the mirror            she always wanted more 
cleavage grew a cup size 
under reconstruction

on holiday she undressed 
in our shared room she’d lost her nipples
she still looked great in a fitted jumper

who touched her last   
netted her breath shivered 
her world into bright splinters 
lifted the weight from her chest?

sometimes I sleep 
arms crossed palms cupped   
holding myself in place

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KAT LYONS is a writer, performer and events host with Bristol spoken word promoter Raise the Bar. They have been published in Under the Radar and Ink, Sweat and Tears and recently finished developing an ACE-funded solo show exploring menopause.