Oli Isaac

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wrestling

the first time i touched
a boy WWE was on tv
we play-wrestled on a
duvet in the living room
you wrapped in a blanket
cape and me perched on
top of a sofa and we
crashed muscle as if we
knew what The Rock
was cooking as if we knew
what we were doing and
men on the screen 
tag-teamed and swung
and hit each other (again)
and the crowd screamed out
more more more demanding
more demanding the referee 
stay out of it with brains 
beating like hearts and the
only time that day was 6pm 
simpsons oven chips dinner 
and until then i found worlds
in your thigh and i found
ways i could lose myself in 
ceiling fans pulsing around
a room and blood rushing to
our heads and you had duck 
for dinner and i went home 
for dinner and duck was the 
only animal i could never eat 
and your laugh the only sound 
i worried i would forget and 
st helens estate never knew 
why our cheeks turned pink
and the first boy i kissed
was never you but you were
still there with me at that
basement urinal two weeks later
in the february cold opposite
the us embassy i later queued
outside of after nine-eleven
and memories fall away after
this i stopped pretending
to love wrestling and i forgot
about you until your sister
messaged me on facebook
and i realised i didn’t even
know your last name

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OLI ISAAC is an artist working across poetry, film and theatre. They are co-lead artist of Clumsy Bodies, a trans performance duo. Oli is an alum of Soho Theatre’s Writers’ Lab, Roundhouse Poetry Collective and Apples & Snakes’ Writing Room.